Posted by: Mojo Jojo | February 20, 2007

What… me, chicken?!

I’m not yellow, just non-violent — or so I would like myself to believe.
Like the other day, when my bike accidentally scraped against a run-down Maruti car at the MG Road junction. The mistake was as much the car driver’s as it was mine but then, he had the advantage of language. So, as he let loose a barrage of abuses in Kannada, I just stood there behind blinking eyes and wondered Oh shit, what a mess…
Sure, calling his mother a few names in English would have been in order right then, but… well… that’s my problem – I think a lot. Especially before a fight.
Like back then, while the guy was hollering in a tongue as alien as the Martian Manhunter, I was busy thinking if resistance would be worth waking up with a black eye the next morning. And by the time the wheels in my head had stopped grinding, the dude was already walking back to his car with a wind of accomplishment about him.
There on the street, amid thousands of strangers, I emerged the loser. Or, upon looking at things from a different perspective, the more sensible of the two.
You may think it’s weird, but I find squabbling very difficult – especially if my opponent is talking a different language. I hate languages I don’t understand (you must have gathered just as much from my earlier post) and many a time it has landed me in uncomfortable situations – and once in the railway clink.
But then, there is a silver lining to this cloud also. Because if there’s a man who’s tearing through his gullet to get at me, I can remain grinning like a plum-faced baboon without knowing that he has already cursed all the members on my family tree, and is currently giving unpleasant names to my unborn children.
Come to think of it, even my schooldays were completely lacking in brawls and love affairs, probably because I was the principal’s son. While the reason for people not choosing to fight with me is quite evident, I think the girls kept away from me because they (quite obviously) dreaded the possibility of having their rule-by-the-rod headmaster as a prospective father-in-law. And so, there it was — a childhood completely lacking in love as well as war.
But tell you what… I am quite capable of intelligent conversation. But that is just about the last thing anybody wants to do while preparing to box the other’s ears in. Which is probably why I manage just a little beyond ‘Duh!’ in such a situation, whether I am in the right or wrong. Very much like a Calvin-Moe situation.
Well, whatever. I bet late Mr MK Gandhi is proud of me. Even though I prefer denim cottons to loin cloth.



  1. Aw shucks Jimmy, you just blew a hole in my dream of watching you guys run a loin cloth race:-)
    On a serious note, though, yeaaaaahhh – it’s so nice to come across someone who does not rant and rave on the road! Good for you.

  2. really a calvin-moe situation, you twinky 😛
    maybe, there is just a slight possibility that, the girls kept away from u coz they didnt really find u attractive

  3. @ 3inone: What? Me and Mr Gandhi running a loin cloth race?
    And hey! Thanks for sympathising with me… and hope the gooks out there were more “street-smart” 😉

    @ Rama: Girls didn’t find me attractive? You think so??? 😦

  4. 🙂 well, actually i meant you and mac (refer mac’s comment on my valentine’s day post)

  5. Yes buddy i am sure that u dont believe in cussing and cursing people in a language they dont understand..but i remember, and i am sure Div does too, an ocassion where u told “Ravi Annan” something not too pleasant coz u dint get extra chicken :-DD Now I am not sure whether he heard it though :))

  6. @ 3inOne: Ha ha. But don’t worry… Mac, in a loin cloth and running a race all by himself, should be a great sight in itself! Har har!

  7. No, “Ravi Anna” did not reply because he could not disagree with whatever I had to say. Man, just thinking of that guy makes me want to lose the “satyagrahic” tag! Grrr!
    But then again, I should have tried some “gandhigiri” with him instead… 😉

  8. hey JJ, im not running the race in loin alone….ok..!! he he 🙂 and speaking of loin..i remember kelsang saying that they were doing a loin dance (lion) for the hall day.. ha ha
    and i agree with everyman..i was reminded of ur comments to ravi anna in the mess……not true ghandian style ehh 🙂

  9. Hey, I was d same, learnt guts frm these superwoman gang of gals i was in. Not dat i can pick a fight… but once in a while”chalta hai”…

    I recommend giving fighting back just once shot… it feels gd. really really gd. In lot of ways… n is psychologically more relieving

  10. @Ozzman: Ha ha…. that thing about Kelly was too cool! And he could not even figure out why we were saying that chandradass may pull out the plugs again if they perform the “loin dance”. Har de har har!
    Ravi was really a M@#$##%%$#, though… grr!

    @Life Happens: Hmm. Maybe you got a point. But sometimes, not letting things go just messes them up a tad more, don’t you think.
    Like, if i had fought with the car guy and then had to spend an entire day in the police station clarifying things.
    But you are right, sometimes you have to fight to be who you are (like … have you heard Kenny Rogers’ Coward of the County?)

  11. JJ ,
    u refering to the song abt becky???? ha ha ha 🙂

  12. da a quiet sort of a guy is unlikely to pick up fights. besides size does matter da.

  13. @ Mac: Yeah, ugotit! the one about becky. He!

    @ Nandhu: Hmm, you got a point there. But hey, I don’t think I would pick a fight even if my opponent is a one-foot urchin. Seriously!

  14. hey na i havent heard Kenny Rogers’ Coward of the County

    but u knw its not about just identity… i think once u give it a fight… u just live up in your own eyes… looking in d mirror is lot more easier… u dont feel like “I m d guy who took shit n did nothing about it”

  15. @the pacifist
    how did you survive in Heber?

  16. Oh! Dont worry about it! I just cant scream when being screamed at! In my head, I am going, “AIUHKDHAOHHOIHODIXH!$&@%&^@%&”, but, not one word comes out! & a new language? I would be all smiles and like, “OOO.. that actually sounds good” :-))

    Once, i learnt the swear words in a foreign tongue, and screamed at someone on the road, and then, i FLED! 🙂

  17. @ life happens: Gotta try that then. But if the matter ends with my funeral, you gotta promise to come along with an umbrella and a black rose 😉

    3inOne: How I survived in Heber? The non-violent way. really, it’s easy! Most of the guys over there are dopers with a make love, not war mantra.

    Aparna: Ha ha, nice to find someone like me. Coz that’s exactly what I would do, ha!

  18. @the heberian
    peace be unto you.

  19. hey mr twinky,
    i got into a street fight the other day. but thankfully i could understand the language and screamed back like anything

  20. “Mr Twinky”?? I like the sound of that 😀

    @3inone – JJ is right..not the dopers part, but the other half..though some also believe in smoking the joint of not just peace..

    AND @JJ – we all agree that you arent chicken, now POST WILL U????

  21. @JJ the heberian
    The pre-Martinian joins Shain in telling you to POST DAMMIT!!!!!!

  22. mr twinky indeed sounds perfect. do u want me to bully u into posting?

  23. @ Rama: Ha ha. Maybe you are the reason why they say delhi is not a safe place to live in 😉

    @ Shain & da Pre-Martinian: Yeah man… was just getting around to it… Tee! Don’t know if i m chicken or not, but i am definitely one hell of a sloth!

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