Posted by: Mojo Jojo | October 15, 2008

Of Mice and Men…

Tale 1

Once upon a time, there lived King Panchikangandu III of South Hiberia, located somewhere in the vicinity of Sankut. Though he wasn’t a particularly good ruler, his subjects really didn’t mind him; actually, they were too busy with their personal lives to bother with his little eccentricities. And life just went on – to everybody their own.
Until that fateful morning happened. The morning that changed everything.
Now, as you probably know, King Panchikangandu III really hated mice. So what if they never bothered him; he didn’t like the way they stayed cooped up in their little holes and did whatever they do, squeaking all the time. He didn’t like them for their dark grey fur, their little pointy ears, their long serpentine tails; for his Royal Highness, just existing in that form was a sin. And – after all – if he was the king of his kingdom, wasn’t he also the king of all the holes therein?
So, on a bright Sunday morning, between piddle-time and coffee-hour, King Panchikangandu III was struck by a violently brilliant idea. “How dare these little furry guys reside in my kingdom without my permission?” he thought, “I will smoke them out of their homes and bring them out on the streets… oh yes, I will!”
That morning, he spent the time sitting on the shitpot drafting a new decree. A decree that said that from that moment on, mice were outlawed from living in their holes. If they really wanted to live, they could do so on the streets.
Pandemonium ensued in the days that followed. Mice – big and small, old and young, educated and illiterate, healthy and sickly – were driven out of their homes and sent out to haunt the streets. And by the end of it, the king’s order had been carried out – all the streets in the kingdom were teeming with angry rodents that didn’t seem to like it one little bit.
So the mice set out to make the most of their fate by biting old women, nibbling the toes off bratty little kids who dared make fun of them, pecking on the cheeks of pretty young maidens while they were looking the other way, and making away with unassuming chickens –  whether they were crossing the street or not.
Quite predictably, this let loose a terrible plague that wiped out one-thirds of the kingdom’s population. The survivors? Well, they popped precautionary pills and cursed King Panchikangandu III for the tragedy he had unwittingly brought upon them.
Heartbroken, the king handed over the reins of his kingdom to a dappled donkey (oh yes, he really liked dappled donkeys) and retired to a life that largely dealt with the manufacture of designer paper lamps.

Tale 2

Once upon a time, there lived Anbumani Ramadoss of India, located somewhere in the vicinity of Nepal. Though he wasn’t a particularly good Health Minister, his countrymen really didn’t mind him; actually, they were too busy with their personal lives to bother with his little eccentrities. And life just went on – to everybody their own.
Until that fateful morning happened. The morning that changed everything.
Now, as you probably know, Anbumani Ramadoss really hated smokers…

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Responses

  1. I think anbu saar has heard your first story. He let the mice *cough* smokers *cough* remain on roads, houses and smoke, He didn’t want smokers burning his house and car for some smoke I guess 😛

  2. twinky!!!
    well, at least i know now why jimmythekid had to hand it over to porcheblues (elephants can remember, my child)

    and, lately your writing has been so close to reality, i have kinda started missing john and jane learning the importance of family and parents on a white christmas day. are they really gone for good? 😦
    but engaging stuff, all this 🙂

  3. ok. reality is not a good word, but u know what i mean

  4. That was a good parable. Now all that the smokers can do is smoke to glory in their houses and suffocate their family, instead of going out to some thattakada (tea-stall) and having a good smoke 😉 no longer being able to keep the habit a secret from family. What about all those women who cook food in poorly ventilated hearths that you can find in village shanties? Can Anubummer stop those death traps from smoking? And the smog generated from the countless vehicles on our roads, can he stop that (like Moses of the old tales asked the Red Sea to part?) Above all can Anubum stop the sale of cigarettes in the first place? He would be lynched 🙂

  5. you’re cruel jim, you made that poor mouse smoke!

  6. I am waiting for the next ban to take effect and then read your take on that.
    Dr. Ramdoss has some great ideas on life but why impose it on us lesser mortals!

  7. @ Balu: Oww! Glad that’s not true. Would have hated to be the inspiration behind such a weird decision.

    @ Creepy Suzie: No kidding. I remember how much fun you guys used to have at my expense after each John and Jane story. But then, I aimed to entertain 🙂

    @ Mattiz: Ha ha. But no, Anbu seems to be having more important things on his mind than that.

    @ Liz: Oh. But he seems to be enjoying himself, don’t you think?

  8. LOL… Good one! There seems to be a lot of satire nowadays on the blogs! 😀
    But tell me something, isn’t it strange that this asshole considers open roads as non-public places, while an office balcony as a public place? I mean, is he retarded? 😀

  9. Jim Jam…i know u look like a mouse. But, not all of us. lol. ramadoss just decided to be pied piper and drown all the mice. did u know that?!

  10. Nice stories and a great smoking mouse! Well, as one of the recntly outcast minorities, my smoking has come down. I never smoke at home anyway but it means that my nights out now incorporate more exercise than heretofore: out of the door for a smoke and then back in for some fresh air. Do I like it? No, not much but it’s got to be good for the health of the population generally and maybe, by the time my kids are experimenting with adult playthings, there won’t be nicotine around to tempt them. Hey, maybe they’ll just move straight to hard drugs instead. Heaven forbid.

  11. ex-smoker here…while I no longer care for the smoke, outdoors is outdoors..smoke all you like…
    here in our city, you have to be fifteen feet away from a publilc building while smoking outside. Those poor souls in winter must suffer the cold and snow while at work or out shopping. Brrrrrrr! Glad I quit. Nice work JimBo!

  12. @ Nikhil: Weird guy, isn’t he? No more smoking zones, he sez, because that affects non-smokers. But how? As long as the place is clearly demarcated as a smoking zone, non-smokers wouldn’t come there unless they got some sorta serious death wish, right?

    @ Soumya: Well, you look like a rat too, and all mirrors with any sense would bear witness to that. In fact, you were the inspiration behind the smoking rat I got here 😛

    @ Chailey: But if somebody is not allowed to smoke inside his own house, doesn’t that amount to robbing him of his private space? Unless the others at home object, of course…

    @ Murr: Oh, I think they can’t apply the 15 feet law here, because every other building in India is a public one. But having to stand outside in the cold just to light a cigarette should be a good incentive to quit, I guess 🙂

  13. where is the shoutbox? didnt notice that it was gone! and awww, u think i pick on u all the time??? aww. thats just my way of showing love i guess 😛

    and i am creepy suzie but more moe actually??? wow, someone with susie’s brains and moe’s brawns is sure to rule the world … and all the calvins in it of course. thanks twinky!

  14. Ah. Never got down to installing a shoutbox here. For some reason, WordPress does not support flash – so half the widgets I used to have in my Blogspot site don’t work here. Will try now, though.

    Ah. I guess Moe loves Calvin a lot, then. The most during gym class :P.

  15. of course moe loves u. now get outta that swing

  16. Good story there. Ramadoss is going to leave us cleaner, healthier and really, really bored. You can read my post on this at http://www.rameshsrivats.net/2008/11/ramadoss-meets-devadoss.html

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